Sabe and Amidala: IM in the Throne Room
by Pip Stamfordis
Summary: Ever wonder what the handmaidens and queen do to occupy themselves during long, boring, political meetings? i luv rum vs. queenbee: Sabe and Amidala IM back and forth in the throne room. PG13 for language and sexual humor.


"'i luv rum versus the Queenbee': Sabe` and Amidala instant message in the Throne Room"  
  
by Pip Stamfordis and tatortot.  
  
A/N- I'm Sabe` while my sister (tatortot) is Amidala. Review plz.  
  
disclaimer- we own most nothing  
  
Sabe` and Queen Amidala instant message in the throne room. (time: a few months post-episode 1)  
  
"i luv rum" "queenbee"  
  
--------------------------------  
  
i luv rum says: governer bibble is foaming at the mouth  
  
queenbee says: Thanks for the information.  
  
i luv rum says: your welcome, i'm always happy when i can supply you with new knowledge. anyways- i'm about to drop off... dare me to push that red button?  
  
queenbee says: It says 'Do not push,' for a reason.  
  
i luv rum says: precisly why i want to push it!  
  
queenbee says: Don't do it! By the way, it's precisely.  
  
i luv rum says: there are more important things in life than learning to spell. queenspellingbee  
  
last message received at 2:03  
  
2:10  
  
i luv rum says: whats the matter? cat got your tongue?  
  
queenbee says: I don't use my tongue to type.  
  
i luve rum says: well, um.. cat got your fingers?  
  
queenbee says: Yes. That would explain why I am still typing.  
  
i luv rum says: check out Professor Wax Head- your 6:00- he's snacking on some bogies fresh from his nose!  
  
queenbee says: You made that up, and I am not going to check out Senator Nagila.  
  
i luv rum says: he's balder than a coot!! who the heck nominated him? and more- who the heck VOTED for him?  
  
queenbee says: Ahem. Me.  
  
i luv rum says: well you are... a coottoo. except, with lots of hair  
  
queenbee says: ...  
  
i luv rum says: hey- take a look at Madame Wiggly Bits- she's got sort of a shelf affair going on there, don't you think? I bet she puts her dinner plate on her bosom.  
  
queenbee says: I'm not going to listen to you.  
  
i luv rum says: you're not listening to me anyways, you're---- reading me. wait- that doesn't sound right... look right, i mean. what the hell? i'm gonna shut up. whoever invented IM was both brilliant and insane.  
  
queenbee says: Ahem. Me.  
  
i luv rum says: what the f no you didn't. you would be rich. you don't have the technilogical literacy of a flower!  
  
queenbee says: One, I am rich. I only LIVE in a palace. Two, wow, big words. Three, just shut up.  
  
i luv rum says: ooh are you too busy IM-ing you're honey bunny lover boy Annie???  
  
queenbee says: No!  
  
i luv rum says: you know what they say about a lady who doth protest too much! and i can see you blushing all the way over here!  
  
queenbee says: I have white make up on, how can you see me blush?   
  
i luv rum says: oh! you just admitted that you are.  
  
queenbee says: No I didn't, I just said that there's no possible way you could see me if I was blushing.  
  
i luv rum says: can i take my break now? you're annoying me. i seriously think we should switch careers. i would be a way better queen. i don't annoy people.  
  
queenbee says: Ahem...you're annoying ME.  
  
i luv rum says: mission accomplished. can i take my break now? i'm feeling a little over-exerted, you know sittin here all day long listening to professor wax head drone on and on about bills, tax refunds, trade federation-whotsits- it takes a lot out of you.   
  
queenbee says: Senator Nagila has very important issues to discuss with us.  
  
i luv rum says: but seriously, he's soooo boring to listen to. he could give Prof. Thing- what's his name... Sociology teacher... - for his money. i mean, just thinking about that class makes me sleepy. remember? gosh i used to sneak out the window and he never ever noticed. that was great fun. i miss those days. now it's all "trade federation- whotsits" and if i were to sneak out that window to my left, i would fall about 50 stories to that raging waterfall below. my life is so tragic.  
  
queenbee says: Professor Matte was an excellent teacher--if you stayed long enough. So why don't you do me a favor and go sneak out the window.  
  
i luv rum says: maybe some hot guard will save me, then we can go to my room and snog forever.  
  
queenbee says: If you don't mind, I would personally rather listen to Professor Matte talk to us about Sociology, than listen to--read--what you think is romance.  
  
i luv rum says: candles... chocolate nectar triffles... rum... watching the sunrise after an all night snog fest.. that's romance. i guess we just have different tastes: podracers... ten year olds... jedi things... Oh which reminds me! i never got off with that hot Obi-Wan-whatsit. shoot.. maybe next time.  
  
queenbee says: We do have different tastes, I mean, I would never 'snog' a jedi. That is very politically incorrect. Actually, I prefer the more artistic guy. Dark curly hair...  
  
i luv rum says: palo is poo.  
  
queenbee says: He was nice while we dated.  
  
i luv rum says: and now?? he's just a common bloke poor artist with an attitude problem. he asked me to ask you if you would let him paint you naked. i'm like 'f-no!' and he's like "the naked body is beautiful art" and i'm all like "yea and it's illegal- you're like 20 and she's only 15! i mean, ish!"  
  
queenbee says: Oh? But it's okay for you to mack on a 25 year old jedi? "I mean, ish!" And how come you never told me he asked you that?! I wouldn't have minded...  
  
i luv rum says: exactly why i didn't tell you!!! that's not good publicity for you- the paparazzi would have a hayday.  
  
queenbee says: Well if you don't like Palo anyways, who would you recommend for me?  
  
i luv rum says: eirtae`.  
  
queenbee says: Sodomy is illegal as well.  
  
i luv rum says: but you're queen! you can do whatever you want!  
  
queenbee says: A queen is not above the law. We allow no exceptions.  
  
i luv rum says: you're such a fuddy duddy. how do you even have fun?  
  
queenbee says: I listen to Senator Nagila talk about 'trade-federation-whotsits.'  
  
i luv rum says: i nominate sabe` to get her break. she is suffering from rum- withdrawal.  
  
queenbee says: I nominate Sabe` to continue listening to "Professor Wax Head," and forget about her addiction to rum. Besides, if I gave you your break, you'd be happy and I wouldn't want that to happen- I'd do anything in my power to torture you.  
  
i luv rum says: i'm so not addicted!! i've had it like ... once. twice. with Mick... on the beach.... an all night snog fest.... i said he was a sexy space pirate....ahh....  
  
queenbee says: How sweet...again, our romantic differences clash.  
  
i luv rum says: hava nagila hava nagila hava nagila verenechmecha!  
  
queenbee says: You're such a little weirdo. You're serenading Senator Nagila while I'm listening to him.  
  
i luv rum says: (singing) Ohhhh Professor Wax Head- I love baldy coots!! I want to run my hands through your... nonhair. ps. your voice turns me on. even when you talk about trade fed whatsits  
  
queenbee says: (Dances to tune) Yeah...right...  
  
i luv rum says: man i'd love to see that- you dancing with a headress on the size of iego.  
  
queenbee says: Anakin says Iego is a very lovely planet.   
  
i luv rum says: (in a high pitch airy voice. ie, Padme` when talking about Annie lover) "Oh yes and Anakin says that I am an ANGEL! he is such a SWEETHEART! and he saved my planet from the evil nemodi-thingers. and he's soooo cute with his new jedi hair cut, and he says i'm the most beautiful woman in the universe, i mean, i know it's true and all, but he's soooo SWEET!!"  
  
queenbee says: (In a drunken, rum-ridden voice, I.E., Sabe` with any number of men.) "Oh yes and Obi-Wan is so sexy for an old guy. I wish I could mack on him all. Night. Long! Hava Nagila, Hava Nagila, I hava crush on Senator Nagila. The only way I passed 'Professor Thing's class was because I snogged him for seven hours straight the day of finals."  
  
i luv rum says: you forgot about the part where i played strip poker with captain panaka-panties.  
  
queenbee says: WHAT?!?!  
  
i luv rum says: just kidding!! ahh!  
  
queenbee says: Good. I was thinking that is very unofficial for someone so important as him.  
  
i luv rum says: what, i'm not important?? i mean, i do all the major stuff like your hair and make up, and keep your room clean, and i'm yer friggin decoy! i put my life on the line for you oh my god i was soooo afraid i'd never snog again.  
  
queenbee says: And you also lose your virginity to a jedi and make me clean friggen R2 D2 just to spite me.  
  
i luv rum says: what the hell i'm a virgin! i only snog- i dont do the horizontal tango! and you deserved to clean r2sumthin since you're the reason he was dirtied.  
  
queenbee says: You may go on your break now and don't bother to come back.  
  
i luv rum says: thank you, your hein-ass, my eyeballs are floating i gotta pee so bad. and - well, i must come back. you need me. you know you need me. i know that you know that you need me.  
  
queenbee says: I suppose...why do you have to pee so bad? Too much rum?  
  
i luv rum says: i luv rum.  
  
i luv rum has signed off. All windows will be closed. 


End file.
